Personal Project: Animation

A personal project in Toon Boom Studio 4. Been working on this for about a week in spare time; it took a total of about 6 or 7 hours of work. We didn't cover quadruped animation in any capacity in our 2D animation class, so I thought it would be prudent to tackle it on my own. I'm pretty happy with the final result, even though the timing could be better and some of the keys are a little wonky. But there's always room for improvement and if something sticks out to you (good or bad) please feel free to point it out.

Reminiscing, or the Difference Between my Liberty Experience and my Full Sail Experience

Well, friends, it's been a heck of a week. Two of my closest friends came to visit me in sunny Orlando and it was a week worthy of remembrance. We visited Cocoa beach not once, not twice, but three times and despite the inexplicable dearth of blue crab it was still an experience I will not forget. We purchased wonderful little frisbee disc thing for frivolities on the beach and lost the dang thing no less than 4 times before the ocean claimed it permanently. I watched Danny Latin beat inFAMOUS in it's entirety in less than 7 days for the supremely evil ending, grilled bratwurst and pineapple under a beautiful Florida sunset and logged an unprecedented 7 games of volleyball this week. Needless to say, I am exhausted but I would certainly do it again in a minute.

I suppose the point I'm getting around to is that I'm not sure how to wrap it up; but I do feel there needs to be a definite period, if you will, to close the sentence of this past week, especially because this week felt much like a vacation week for me, even though it was a work week just the same. Also, I noticed this week how different my life is when I'm around my close friends and when I'm on my own. For example, I eat till I'm full a lot more when I'm around close friends; I spend a lot more money, I play video games much more than usual, and I spent far less time on extracurricular school-related work when I'm around friends; I feel like the separation needs to be maintained and the only way for me to transition back to my "Full Sail" mindset is to put a definite close to the week.

I figured out earlier this week just how much my life and attitude have changed since my time at Liberty. At LU, academics was the background music for my real reason for being in college - fun with my friends (especially after I found my circle of like-minded individuals). I wanted to do well enough in school to get decent grades and graduate without having to repeat classes, but it was vitally important that academics never get in the way of a pleasant social experience. Given the choice of studying for a quiz or finishing up a set list in Guitar Hero 2, I would inevitably finish up the set list (and two or three more, in all likelihood). For me, the time spent on furthering education was strictly limited to the moment the professor spoke to the moment he dismissed the class. All time outside the classroom was designated for having fun; time meant for baseball games, pick-up basketball games, intramural volleyball, Guitar Hero, instant messaging, Xenosaga, trips to EB Games, Best Buy, Barnes & Noble, the dollar theater, etc. Of course, if there was a female in my life at any particular time, any and all other matters become secondary (including school work and all other friend-related activities). And you know what? After my Liberty experience was over and I didn't have my friends with me all the time any more, I was smashed in the face with the reality that I was a clueless mess.

I do wish to make it crystal clear that I believe I am where I am because of the decisions that I made and that I would not know the lessons I know now were it not for the decisions I made back then. I do not in any way regret my LU experiences, but I do wish I had learned lessons about how important education is before I wasted 4 years worth of money and time. But, on the other hand, because I was so much more focused on having close friends I have developed friendships that will no doubt last a lifetime. Before LU, I think it safe to assume I had no real friends beyond a few casual friends and simple acquaintances and also that I'll probably never again develop friendships closer than the ones I have with my college buddies from LU. I have had some of the most incredible times with them; times that I treasure dearly. Even now, with my drastically different attitude towards friends and work, I still love having a great time with these guys.

But great memories don't pay bills. Wonderful experiences don't mean much in the face of unemployment and debt.

I sometimes wonder how my life might have played out differently had I known back then what I know now, in terms of the importance of doing well in school and being determined to get a good job. The conclusion I come to is that I probably never would have gone to Liberty in the first place. It's not the best school to go to for any profession except pastoral leadership (and I've never wanted to be a pastor). But, if I'd never gone to Liberty I'd not have the friends I have now, so I'm glad I did go there. But I also wonder how happy I'd be in life if say I had stayed at Liberty and truly applied myself in school while maintaining close friendships. The unfortunate truth about life is that eventually friends do part ways (even the closest of friends) and you're left to progress on your own for a time. I know that even if I had graduated Summa Cum Laude from LU and had job opportunities springing out of the ground for my services, I don't think I'd be happy. I never felt much passion for any profession before I came to Full Sail and submerged myself in the entertainment industry.

Now, life is a little different. The tables have swung a full 180 degrees and my focus is squarely on academic excellence. I've made some new friends and we've had some good times, but for me, those good times never ever come at the expense of maintaining top-notch academics. I feel like I already have the closest friends I'll ever need and now my attention is freed to focus on career. I don't mean to suggest I'm against making friends, but I do mean that if a choice comes down to having fun or getting work done, I'll finish my work.

I feel like there are two distinct kinds of people in regards to career. There is the kind of person for whom the career they pursue is of little importance. These people work only as a means to fund their social/family life. It does not matter to them where they work or what sort of job it is, provided they can be around the people they love. Then there is the second kind of person for whom the career they pursue is of utmost importance. These people have found a profession they love, and it doesn't matter to them where they work or who they are around, provided they can do the work they love to do.

After the realization that even the closest friends cannot be with you forever but you'll always have to work, I feel that it is wisest to find a profession that you love and pursue it. I certainly don't expect everyone else to reach the same conclusion that I do, but for me, this outcome satisfies the most number of concerns. Especially when you consider how much easier it is to maintain long-distance friendships these days, thanks to social networking sites and cellular telephones, I feel that finding a career that you are passionate about is paramount. FIN.

My Greatest Fear

I write this blog on July 12, 2009 nearing the anniversary of my last break-up (which occurred on July 25, 2008). The day was of monumental significance in my life, not just because it was the end of a romantic relationship, but because it set the tone and direction for the next 6 months of my life. The past year has been the most difficult year I've ever experienced, what with finishing school (and starting school again), sitting on my rear end at home for a month and a half, eventually finding work scanning old worthless documents at my mother's office, discovering I had no passion for my original choice in profession, leaving all my friends behind, and eventually culminating in the abandonment of what I thought would be my career for the rest of my life; all on top of having to deal with the end of what was probably the healthiest romantic relationship of my life.

Looking back on this murky chapter of life, I wonder still about many things that happened then. I wonder if I could/should have done things differently. I studied music for 3 and a half years at Liberty University and spent two summers in San Antonio, Texas working as an intern at a megachurch of 20,000 members. I thought I loved leading people in singing, and in fact that act alone was true enough. I did love the emotional high, the rush if you will, of leading people in song. I loved the stage, loved the lights and loved the theatricality of it all. Even when the lights and stage weren't there and it was under a bridge in downtown San Antonio, leading worship for homeless people or at the jail in Bexar county, I thought I had found what I was meant to do. Why, then, after returning home from my second internship there did I find myself without a job leading worship anywhere? Why, after months of inquiring at churches across the country, I still had nothing to show for it? I think the reasons are two in number.

One - being a worship leader is far more than leading people in song. A worship leader leads people in singing 3-4 times per week (at most) usually for about 20 minutes per service, which adds up to a total of 60-80 minutes of time spent on stage. What does the worship leader do the rest of the work week? Administrative duties, hospital visits, staff meetings, library maintenance, planning for choir rehearsals, having choir rehearsals, planning/having orchestra and band rehearsals. Of course, choir, band and orchestra are all volunteers who work day jobs, so all rehearsals must happen after normal business hours. The last two sentences are filled with things that I hate doing. Not just things that I don't like doing (because you find those things no matter where you work), but things I hate doing. I'm not a people person; I'm not a very compassionate or empathetic person. If someone has a problem in their life, I often don't make it a point to help them with it unless they ask me (especially if the person isn't a close friend) or unless in directly affects me in some way. I don't know if that's a wrong attitude to have in general (it certainly doesn't help me make many close friends, I know) but it certainly isn't the kind of attitude you find in a worship leader. See, the thing that I never realized about being a worship leader is that the average worship leader spends way more time submerged in pastoral responsibilities than anything else. Worship leaders are counselors, they're administrators, they're visionaries, they're...I don't know...touchy-feely for lack of a better term. In fact, leading music is such a minimal part of being a worship leader, that it shocked me when I finally realized it. And it opened my eyes about how unsuitable I am for that career path.

Two - passion. I found that after graduating, getting a job is unbelievably difficult. Not just getting a job in your career of choice, no no no. Finding work at all is incredibly difficult. It's a process that requires weeks, perhaps months of dedication, opportunity, networking, determination, persistence and (most frustrating of all) luck. After discovering how much work it is to find a job, I found that I only would want to go through that kind of disappointment, rejection and failure if it's for a career that I'm passionate about - a career where I have a vision, a goal for where I want to be; a career where I love the job itself and not necessarily the location or people around me. After months of searching and coming up empty, I found that leading worship is not a career I'm passionate about. I never had a vision about where I wanted to take a church in regards to worship. Worship leading, for me, wasn't a career ladder to climb, it was a comfortable little hole that I wanted to sit down in and never have to worry about anything again. In my head, there were only two possibilities I was comfortable with: a full-time job at the church in San Antonio (benefits and all), or a full-time worship leading job in the Roanoke/Lynchburg/Bedford area. I was equally comfortable with either scenario, but any other option that took me away from family and friends into an unfamiliar territory to do a job that I wasn't passionate about in the first place was out of the question. When I came to the realization that San Antonio wasn't going to meet my (admittedly unrealistic) expectations and that there weren't any worship leading jobs that met my desires in Roanoke/Lynchburg/Bedford...my world shattered.

Here I was, worthless (for several reasons) diploma in hand, without work, without romance, without direction, without passion, sleeping in my parents basement on a couch too small for me, getting up at 6:30 to work at a job I hated and no idea what I was going to do about any of it. It was by far the most difficult position I've ever found myself in, because no one was going to do anything to help me. Even though I tried to appreciate the work I had, I knew that my mother's company would be letting me go in six months time anyway (they had to, or else they would have had to start paying benefits for me which was absolutely out of the question for them). I learned a lot about myself during this very difficult time of life: how I am a person who needs direction and structure, the importance of keeping myself motivated, the importance of setting goals (especially when the structure of school no longer supported my life), and also the importance of networking. I learned that having a romantic relationship does absolutely nothing for me except give me things to do and a person to draw attention away from the real necessities of life. Relationships won't pay bills, won't find you work, won't put food in your belly or a roof over your head. Moreover, I find that when I meet a girl I'm interested in dating, my normal behavior goes out the window. I start acting strangely, different from the person I am around my usual group of friends. I find that I'm a pretty easy person to manipulate in the context of a romantic relationship because I like people to be happy with me. All a girl has to do is push me with her pinkie finger and I'll follow her every command. And I think that's foolish and unhealthy for me. Besides, the way I see it now, romantic relationships are like a car spinning its wheels or a dog chasing its tail. It never stops moving, the wheels are constantly turning but progress is never really made. There's no real goal, no destination when it comes to romance, except to be with one another - a goal easily achieved. Relationships cost an incalculable amount of money (not even considering children in the picture) and for what? Emotional stability? I consider myself more emotionally stable and of a sound mind now, as a single man, than I ever was when I was in any romantic relationship. But I'm getting sidetracked.

I graduate Full Sail University in September 2010. Having been through such a personally challenging, frustrating, and ultimately depressing chapter of life, my greatest fear is reaching the end of my second college degree and finding myself in the same scenario. I have certainly done my best so far to prepare for that time in life again, and I will be more equipped to handle life with an education actually worth something but still I can't help but worry that something is going to happen to ruin it. Maybe I'm not talented enough; maybe I'm not resourceful enough; maybe I'm not determined enough; maybe I'm not lucky enough...and the list goes on. I'll be entering a very competitive field upon graduation and I admit, my work isn't as good as the industry professionals yet. I spend countless hours honing my skills and perfecting my craft, but the truth is I can only do so much with the time I have in this accelerated learning environment. There is absolutely no guarantee of finding work when I finish schooling here...a thought that scares me all the more because I'll have $72,000 worth of student loan debts on my back at that point. Surely having all that debt will work to motivate me on to find a good job even more intently, but the way my mind operates, I can't help but wonder what I'll do if I can't find the work that I need to survive. Let's not forget that I was blessed with an incurable disease that requires thousands of dollars to support. That's thousands more dollars I'll need on top of living expenses and repaying my loans. I don't have concrete statistics, but I think its safe to assume that unpaid interns (a position I'd gladly take to earn experience and valuable networking) and fresh college graduates aren't really given huge salaries and benefits right out of the gate. What am I going to do if I don't have health insurance? I can't pay for diabetic supplies and regular doctor visits without it. I will literally die, that's what I'll do. And I'll be entering a super competitive industry during the worst economic environment since the Great Depression. Maybe I worry too much. Maybe I don't worry enough.